Squaring the circle

So I tried to slow down, but I didn't manage it. I'm not sure how much is my skill (or lack thereof) and how much the line of work I'm in is inherently incompatible with slowing down and simplifying.

There's just so much and I'm just so far from getting it right the first time. Redrafting the same document four, five, six or more times is so down-heartening. Today I was in the office from 8.30 in the morning until 8.10 in the evening, with about twenty minutes to eat lunch. I was almost nodding off at my desk but when certain things just have to be done before you leave, what choice do you have?

It's frustrating because I know that the later I stay, the more tired I get, the worse and less I sleep, which means the next day I'm less focused and less productive. It's a negative cycle but I don't know how to break it. I've reached the tiredness point - I haven't been here since just before my exams when I was 18 - when I find blank walls utterly captivating because they're so calm and my brain gets to rest.

I still think it might be possible - I still want it to be possible - to have a full-time ambitious career in an area I care about (public policy) without sacrificing all other areas of my life. I so want there not to be an irreconcilable conflict, but I'm beginning to doubt this.

It's not all bad news - tomorrow I have the day off and my father is visiting. I'll have time for a little housework, a little baking perhaps, and some gazing at blank walls. I've got a cup of tea next to me (my own home-prepared combination of chamomile, calendula and lavender) and you lovely people to talk to. And I'm indulging in one of the most comforting and least taxing books I know - 'Cherry Cake and Ginger Beer' by Jane Brocket. It is technically a recipe book, but each recipe is introduced, talking about who eats/drinks it and in which book, musing on memories of reading them, and taking me on a delightful tour of childhood memories. They are all recipes as enticing in imagination as in reality, especially as the imagination supplies the environment - on Wild Cat Island after a midnight naval battle, or in front of the range wrapped in a shawl in the Little White Cottage With The Thatched Roof.

Picture nicked from amazon.com

I'll be back tomorrow with a more positive frame of mind.

A Jonah week

I'm having one of those weeks, and it's only Tuesday. I keep making mistakes at work - silly little mistakes, and several big whoppers. Of course this happens the week of my review. Of course.

One of the principles that we strive for - whether we are simple living, homesteading, minimalist or any other related philosophy - is resilience. It's in many ways a more useful concept even than sustainability, in my opinion, focusing on building the ability to absorb shock locally. Resilient food chains focus on local rather than organic, for example.

Resilience is a personal skill too - the ability to adapt to a changing environment, to dust oneself off and keep on putting the nose to the grindstone.

Today I am practicing resilience at work. I'm taking a deep breath, making a cup of tea, and taking a few minutes to be warmed and cheered by the early spring sunshine. I'm slowing down - rushing means more mistakes - doing each thing that comes my way carefully and checking it before sending.

One thing at a time - that's at the heart of simple living, isn't it? By doing one thing at a time, and focusing on doing it well, we get far more done than when we try to multitask, constantly connected to multiple inputs. One thing a time, one foot in front of the other. The weekend will get here, and with it my seeds for my new garden, a visit from family, and maybe even another batch of yoghurt.

Finding the balance

Welcome to everyone dropping by from Rhonda's blog Down to Earth! I hope you enjoy my musings.

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Most days, I feel that my simple living philosophy and my challenging job are in conflict.

Today, I feel that they are in balance. Mostly because I managed to take a half-day's leave, so I very much have the best of both worlds. (Maybe part time is the answer?) I had a very full morning at work, and then came home to hoover, put on a load of laundry and settle in with a cup of tea for a little reflection and some crochet.

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of days why I feel such a sense of satisfaction from the few parts of homemaking that I am on top of - having a clean, tidy kitchen; having fresh bedsheets on the bed or in the cupboard - compared to the frustration of never quite being good enough at work. I think it's largely because I am my own boss at home - I set the standards, and I know (at least at the moment) that I am making slow, steady, sustainable progress. This in turn allows me to take pride in what I am doing right, without letting the areas where I still have so far to go from bringing be down (much.)

Even though I have a boss - or several - who set their standards of success, why not try to take the mindset I have at home into the workplace? Focus more on standards I set myself rather than those others set for me, think more proactively about what I want to give at work, allow myself to structure my workload and my day to help improve my focus as much as possible.

I know that I work much better when I am focused - the kind of focus you get in a competitive judo match, when you have to stay loose to be able to react quickly, remain somewhat detached to be able to pick up on subtle cues and read your opponent's body language, and think clearly on your strategy, without getting distracted by passing thoughts. I don't often find this mental place at work but I think in general I am far less likely to let small but essential tasks slip through the cracks, more tuned in to the details, and also contribute to a more positive atmosphere in the team. In contrast, when tense and stressed, I make silly mistakes, beat myself up over them, and get defensive when confronted on them.

The more I think about it, the more I see ways I could use work to practice some simple living skills. More efficient practices, better focus and mindfulness, less distraction and procrastination. Being organised, knowing where things are, planning ahead, doing today whatever I can to reduce tomorrow's workload, facing up to challenging decisions or difficult conversations and tackling them head on.

Today, I'm just enjoying a cup of tea on a relaxed, sunny afternoon at home with my boyfriend - a very rare but wonderful treat.

My secret weapon

The last two days have been mad - it's been a big conference at work, where all the network contacts from across Europe and around the world get together with lots of training and presentations and networking meetings. The talking goes on well into the night, and the conference-bit starts early, so for example I was at networking drinks in a hotel bar until 2am but still had to be functional at a briefing at 8am.

Thank goodness this doesn't last but it is very intense, and many of my routines and 'slowing down' efforts just go out of the window for a couple of days. But one thing I have kept on top of - I have still managed to do almost daily loads of laundry, so the pile-up of housework is nowhere near as bad as it could have been. My secret weapon is a washing machine with a timer function - I could load the machine and set it before leaving the house, and set the cycle to finish when I came back to the house to change before dinner. I felt very virtuous and efficient and organised! I love this machine - a bit too much, probably.

But things have finished up now and I'm looking forward to slowing down over the weekend.